September 06th, 2024

It’s the strangest feeling to miss a child who is still living. I never knew about anticipatory grief until Kaylee’s disease started to take away parts of her. I miss her so much. I miss her cute voice. I miss her bouncy, excited way she’d run into a room excited to tell you what she was doing or thinking or planning. I miss the way she’d play with her siblings. I miss her hugs. I miss her!!! And it seems wrong to say these things at times because there are parents who do not have their children to kiss any more, hug on, snuggle with. And we love and cherish the Kaylee we have now. There are so many fun and wonderful things about her currently I could go on and on for days. But for those of you who know this pain and heartache…. It is ok to give space to these feelings. We do not dwell in these feelings and try to find the joy in each day we have with Kaylee…. But today my tears are flowing and my heart is aching and it is ok to grieve her while I hug her today.

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